


Everyone's Favorite Pilot

by BowieGirl



Series: Everyone's Favorite [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Finn, Hurt Poe Dameron, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oral Sex, Sexual Content, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-25 23:08:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20033866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BowieGirl/pseuds/BowieGirl
Summary: “Finn,” Poe says. Not buddy, not pal, not kiddo. He calls him by his name. “I’m so sorry, Finn.”Finn shakes his head and turns around. Poe reaches for him but Finn jerks away. His heart is swollen and heavy inside his chest.“Leave me alone,” he says, and then he’s gone.____Or alternatively: Finn deals with feelings and Poe can't keep it in his pants.





	Everyone's Favorite Pilot

**Author's Note:**

> This story hit me at 2 in the morning and then I couldn't get it out of my head. So. Enjoy!

Everyone likes Poe and Finn is _fine_ with that. Really.

Sometimes, yes, he wonders what it would be like to have Poe all to himself – to eat their meals together, to fly around the sky in matching X-Wings, to fall asleep to the sound of Poe’s breathing. He thinks about those things because Poe is his friend. His buddy. He’s good and kind and he looks at Finn like he’s the only one in the galaxy who really matters.

But Poe is uncontainable. His smile is too bright, his laughter too joyful, his embrace too warm. Finn learned a lot of things during those first few months on the base, but the most important of those lessons was that Poe Dameron was _everyone’s_ favorite.

Finn tries not to be jealous – he loves that Poe is appreciated for how generous and smart and courageous he is. But a small part of Finn misses how it was between them in the beginning, back when he’d first opened his eyes on D’Qar.

He’d been terrified and overwhelmed and in massive amounts of agony. Poe had been there, and his chatter had been the only thing keeping Finn from losing his mind and succumbing to complete and utter panic.

“You’re okay, buddy,” Poe had said. He’d been leaning over the bed so Finn could see his eyes, see his face, recognize that he wasn’t alone and that he hadn’t been left to die. “I’ve got you.”

Finn tried to respond but his voice was caught somewhere in the back of his throat and all that came out was a low moan. Poe grabbed his shoulder. The pressure was firm, real, and reassuring.

“Don’t push yourself. Everything’s okay. You’re safe here. You understand me? You’re safe.”

Finn slept for three more days after that and when he opened his eyes again, Poe was still there, still waiting for him. The first time Finn spoke Poe’s smile lit up the entire medbay. It took another few weeks for Finn’s back to completely heal, and during that time Poe hardly left his side.

“Don’t you have something you should be doing?” Finn had asked.

“Getting tired of me already?” The older man grinned.

“No! No, of course not, I just meant – I thought you might have a mission or something and I didn’t want you to feel obligated, or, I mean, like you had to babysit me – ”

“Easy, kiddo, easy,” Poe leaned forward and put a hand on Finn’s knee. He was still smiling but there was something a little sad in his eyes this time. “I was just teasing. There’s nothing going on right now, at least not for me. I’ve been grounded.”

“What?” Finn blinked. “Why?”

Poe bit his lips and shrugged. “It’s been said I’m something of a hothead. General Organa thought it might be best for me to cool my heels here with you until you’re feeling better. She thinks I might do something – ill advised.”

Finn blinked. “I don’t understand.”

Poe smiled again and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, buddy.”

“But – ”

“You hungry?” The pilot stood up. “The stuff they feed you in here is garbage. I’m gonna go sneak us some of the good stuff, okay? Be right back.”

When Finn was finally allowed to leave the medbay two weeks later, Poe was there to show him the way. He wrapped an arm around Finn’s shoulder and led him into his future.

Finn’s room was three doors down from Poe’s. They spent the first few days getting everything set up the way Finn wanted. Which, unsurprisingly, was whichever way Poe suggested. He had a bed (of his own!) against the back wall and a desk and two bookshelves (even though he had no books, but Poe promised to grab him a few on his next run), and a dresser which Poe had hastily stuffed with a few shirts and pants he said had never fit him right. It was more than Finn had ever hoped to have in his entire lifetime and when he looked around the room he wanted to cry.

“It’s a little empty right now, I know,” Poe said, frowning. “But not to worry! We’ll have it brimming in no time.”

“It’s wonderful,” Finn breathed, touching his bed with shaking fingers. “Are you sure this is all for me?”

“Of course it is, buddy,” Poe said. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he just shook his head and clapped Finn on his shoulder.

That night Poe introduced Finn to some of the other pilots. They were nice and they smiled a lot like Poe did and they didn’t stare or ask a lot of uncomfortable questions and Finn was immensely grateful. Pava teased Poe about keeping his ex-stormtrooper hidden and tucked away from the rest of them and Poe turned a little red around his ears and neck and Finn laughed more than he could ever remember laughing in his entire life. Snap asked Finn if he wanted to be a pilot like Poe and Finn sputtered and choked and then it was Poe’s turn to laugh long and hard and Finn tried not to be completely mesmerized.

Those first few weeks were wonderful. Poe showed him around, introduced him to more people than he’d ever thought he would know, and stayed with him while he tinkered in different facets of the base before finally settling in the hangar fixing and repairing X-Wings.

After that – things changed. Not drastically, not enough for Finn to be complaining. So Poe went back to his actual job. So he was gone a lot and Finn missed him and worried about him and wished he could tag along. So people on the base mostly avoided Finn unless they were Pava or Snap and so sometimes he caught strange and suspicious glances as he wandered, alone, through the hangar. It was okay, because when Poe came back, he smelled like fresh air and sweat and motor oil and his smile melted the ice around Finn’s heart.

Finn could deal with all of that. He could handle it easily, because he knew Poe would always come back, would always sit by his side during breakfast and ask Finn about his work and how he was sleeping at night. Finn had never once felt like he was a burden or like he was in the way when he was with Poe. Even though he knew people looked at them funny, and even though he knew he was monopolizing the pilot’s time, he never felt unwanted or like he was stopping Poe from doing what he wanted. Until the day that he did.

It was three months or so after Finn had arrived at the base. They were having a celebration – a rare occasion, Poe informed him, because supplies were usually so low. But they’d won a relatively big battle and blown up one of the First Order’s stations and General Organa had given them the green light for a little fun. Poe was excited, and so was Finn. They didn’t celebrate victories back in the First Order – failure was not an option, so winning was mandatory.

The night had started out well enough for Finn. He sat at a table with Pava and Snap and Poe drinking something that made his stomach feel warm and his eyes a little hazy. Poe told stories that made everyone laugh and gasp and groan and Finn was enjoying watching him.

Then Poe excused himself to go to the latrine and Finn had waited for him to come back. And waited. And waited. Pava and Snap were telling another story and Finn was trying to listen, to pay attention, but every minute Poe was gone, Finn felt something in his chest tighten. He took a large gulp of whatever was in his cup and then coughed when it scalded the back of his throat.

“Where do you suppose flyboy got off to?” Pava asked, patting Finn on the back.

“Who knows?” Snap shrugged. “Probably found someone to hook up with.”

Fin stared. “Hook up?”

“Yeah,” Snap grinned. “He’s been out of commission since you got here, buddy boy. That’s a long time for someone like Poe. He’s probably off somewhere blowing off some steam, if you know what I mean.”

Fin didn’t, but he wasn’t going to ask for clarification. There was a hollow feeling in his stomach that made him think he probably wouldn’t like the answer. He stayed silent for the rest of the night, and Poe never did come back. Finn finally begged off around midnight and wandered back to his room. He paused for a minute outside of Poe’s door and wondered if knocking would be a good idea. He was concerned, he told himself. What if Poe was sick? What if he needed Finn’s help? Finn was just being a good fried, he decided. Just – returning the favor.

He knocked. There was sound from inside the room like moaning and Finn felt his heart rate spike. Maybe Poe _was_ in trouble after all.

He knocked again. “Poe? Are you alright?”

The room got suddenly quiet. Finn raised his hand to knock again when the door creaked open and Poe stuck his head through the crack.

“Hey, kiddo, do you need something?”

Poe looked – different. His hair was all matted and wild and his face was flushed and his pupils were blown wide. He looked out of breath and a little – well, annoyed.

“No, nope, nothing,” Finn took a step back. “Sorry I was just – are you sick?”

Poe’s eyebrows raised and he looked torn between laughing or rolling his eyes. He shook his head.

“I’m fine, buddy. All is well in here. Thanks for checking. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

And then he was gone, and Finn heard clearly the sound of the lock clicking into place. Against him. Poe had locked him out.

Finn walked back to his room in a stupor. He crawled into his bed and buried his head under the thick pile of blankets Poe had gotten him on his first morning out of the medbay. He wasn’t cold but he was shaking. It wasn’t a big deal, he told himself, Poe just needed some space. He had a right to his privacy after all, and Finn should respect his boundaries. But those thoughts did very little to comfort him, and Finn couldn’t help the sinking feeling that he’d just lost something very important to him. He hadn’t felt this alone since the time before – since he was nothing but a First Order pawn.

He didn’t sleep at all that night, and the next morning, Poe did not come out of his room for breakfast. Finn ate quietly while Pava and Snap traded mornings barbs, then went to the hangar to work on something – anything – to take his mind off of Poe.

It didn’t work. Poe’s X-Wing had taken a few solid hits during the battle and Finn was the one assigned to work on the repairs. Poe usually did all his own repairs himself, but, as one of the grinning pilots informed him, Poe was _indisposed_ that morning. Finn didn’t really know what that meant either but he had a feeling it probably wasn’t any of his business.

By the time dinner rolled around, Finn was dirty and anxious and wasn’t feeling much like eating anything. Everyone else had long since called it quits and he was the last one left in the hangar. He had just decided to hit the showers when the doors opened and who should walk in but the devil himself. And he wasn’t alone.

The man was shorter than Finn with longer hair and bright blue eyes and he had his arm around Poe’s shoulders and they were laughing and Poe looked so _happy_ that it made Finn’s heart constrict. Why did Poe’s smile make him shiver inside when it wasn’t directed at him?

“Finn!” The pilot grinned when he saw him. “Matthews told me you were the poor sap that got roped into cleaning up my mess. Sorry about that.”

Finn stood by Poe’s X-Wing and tried not to notice how clean and put together the blue-eyed man looked standing next to Poe.

“She looks great,” Poe said, running a hand down the side of one wing. “You’re a miracle worker, buddy.”

“It’s not a big deal. It was mostly superficial damage.”

“Still, I appreciate it,” Poe said.

Finn wanted to say that he hadn’t done it for him, that if he’d had the choice he wouldn’t have come anywhere near the older man’s precious X-Wing. He wanted to say that if Poe didn’t need him, then he didn’t need Poe. But the lie made his throat hurt and he couldn’t force the words to form on his tongue. So he shrugged and let his gaze travel past Poe to land on the blue eyed man.

“This is Roger Bradshaw,” Poe said, and Finn thought he heard a slight tremble in his voice. “He works in the cafeteria.”

“You’re a cook?” Finn asked.

“Chef, actually,” Roger held out his hand. “Good to meet you, Finn. Poe talks about you all the time.”

The admission didn’t make Finn feel any better. He shook Roger’s hand and mumbled a polite hello without meeting his eyes.

“We were just getting ready to grab some grub,” Poe said, eyeing Finn carefully. “You hungry?”

Finn crossed his arms. “No thanks, I’m – I’m actually really tired. Gonne take a shower and then call it a night. You guys go ahead.”

“You sure?” Poe was concerned. Finn could see it in the sudden drop of his smile, the way he stepped closer and away from Roger. It made Finn feel warm and then cold all at once.

“Yeah, I – I didn’t sleep well last night is all.”

Poe’s eyes widened and his ears turned red. He cleared his throat and then turned to Roger with a tight smile.

“You wanna grab me a seat? I’ll be down in a minute.”

“Sure,” Roger shrugged and sauntered away, throwing a curious glance at Finn over his shoulder as he went.

Then it was just the two of them. Finn was still standing as far back as he could so that his shoulders were pressed against the X-Wing. Poe was watching him with a strange look on his face and it reminded Finn too much of the way he’d looked at him last night.

“Look, buddy,” Poe took a step forward but stopped when he saw the way Finn’s body jerked. “Jesus, are you really that bothered by it?”

Finn bit his lip and shook his head. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Sure,” Poe’s voice was bitter, his smile strained. “That’s why you’re acting this way.”

“What way?”

“Disgusted,” Poe fairly spat the word and it made Finn flinch. “Like you’re afraid I’m going to – _infect_ you or something.”

Finn was baffled. Yes, he was upset with Poe. No, he wasn’t entirely sure why. But disgusted? Never. Afraid? Of course not.

“I don’t – ”

“I get it,” Poe cut him off. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Finn. I’m sure this kind of stuff wasn’t really a thing in the First Order. I just – I had no idea you’d react this way. I thought you’d understand.”

“Poe!” Finn took a step forward until they were both standing beneath the shadow of the X-Wing. Poe’s eyes were shining in a way that made Finn’s stomach feel like it was twisted into knots. “I have no idea what you’re saying. What kind of thing are we talking about here? And why in the world would you _ever_ think I would be disgusted by you?”

Poe blinked and gestured weakly behind him towards the hangar doors. “You know…about Roger?”

Finn shook his head. “What about him?”

Poe sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Okay, buddy, let’s try this a different way. Are you feeling alright? Why couldn’t you sleep last night?”

Finn wanted to lie. Every part of him wanted to lie, but something told him if he didn’t clear this up now, Poe would walk away thinking something terrible about Finn that he was absolutely sure was simply not true. So he stared at a spot over the pilot’s left shoulder and opened his mouth.

“It’s stupid, okay, it’s silly, like, I don’t want you to feel like I’m being annoying and following you around all the time, and I don’t want you to feel like you can’t have your own space or that you have to treat me like I’m a baby or like I’m, I don’t you, special or something, but it bothered me and I don’t know why it bothered me, but I don’t want you to let this change you, okay, I want you to do whatever makes you happy even if you have to lock your door to keep me out.”

Poe stared at him for a long time, trying to decipher the meaning to Finn’s incoherent babbling.

“Okay, let me try to unpack that,” he said finally. “You think I’m annoyed by you? That I need – space, or something?”

“I mean…”

“And you came to this conclusion,” Poe continued, raising a hand to halt Finn’s interruption. “Because I locked my door last night?”

Finn nodded miserably.

Poe sighed. “Oh, _Finn_.”

Poe’s arms were around him a second later and Finn’s nose was buried in Poe’s neck and he took a deep breath and he smelled so much like _home_ that he had to fight the urge to either melt or to cry.

“I’m sorry, buddy,” Poe’s voice was muffled in the collar of Finn’s shirt. “I guess it never occurred to me that you might not – know about that kind of stuff. I should have explained.”

Poe pulled away but kept his hands settled on the ex-stormtrooper’s shoulders.

“Look, this should actually be a much longer conversation but I’m gonna do a quick summary and then we can have a Q&A afterwards. Sound alright?”

Finn nodded.

“Okay. So first of all I need you to understand that I have never and will never find you annoying. You are brave and sweet and special and amazing, and I promise that your friendship is very, _very important_ to me. I don’t need space from you, pal, and you’re always welcome in my orbit, okay?”

“But,” Finn bit his lip and looked away. “Last night…”

“Right,” Poe’s ears turned red again. “See, this is the part where I’m the asshole. I should have made sure you understood what was happening. And I shouldn’t have just left last night without telling you where I was going or what I was doing.”

“So…what were you doing?”

Poe looked like he wanted to melt into the floor. “I was – uh, look, did you guys ever – in the First Order – did you like – have companions? People you liked to – uh, touch and kiss and stuff?”

“Oh,” Finn paused. “Oh! Well – I mean, we weren’t supposed to. Some of us did, you know, because we’re human. But I was always too scared. If you got caught, that meant reconditioning.”

“Reconditioning?”

“Yeah,” Finn shuddered. “I never went through it myself, but just the threat was enough.”

“Buddy, that’s…that’s awful. You get that right?”

Finn shrugged. “I kinda figured since everything else they taught me was wrong. I just never thought about it much.”

“Right,” Poe looked strange again, like he wanted to say something but was biting his tongue. He looked away towards the X-Wing and cleared his throat. “Anyway, I was – uh, occupied with Roger last night. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was pushing you away or whatever. That’s just the kind of stuff usually done in private. You understand?”

Finn tried to feel better about the explanation. He was happy Poe wasn’t annoyed with him, overjoyed they were still friends. Buddies. But why did the thought of Poe doing those things with Roger make his chest feel heavy and thick like it was filled with rocks? Why did the thought of Roger’s arms wrapped around Poe make Finn feel like crying and screaming at the exact same time?

“So. Um. Are you guys – like, a couple?”

Poe was chewing on the side of his mouth. “No. Not like that.”

“But you said…”

“Buddy, I’m a pilot,” Poe said. “I could die every time I leave the base. I don’t do relationships. What Roger and I did just – felt good, you know what I mean?”

“Oh. How often...no, never mind, that’s none of my business.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Poe was grinning again. “I don’t hook up all the time or with anyone in particular, just when it feels good and it’s fun. Every couple of weeks, maybe.”

“Right,” Finn felt overheated. “I guess you were overdue then.”

Poe’s eyebrows peaked. “Overdue?”

“Well, that’s what Snap said. That you’d put everything on hold because of me.”

Poe scowled. “Don’t listen to anything that comes out of his mouth. He’s so full of shit. Finn, I wanted to be with you. I enjoy our time together, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the galaxy, okay?”

Finn’s throat was tight. He nodded. “Got it.”

Poe smiled and wrapped an arm around Finn’s shoulders. “I’m sorry I screwed this up so much, buddy.”

“It’s fine,” Finn was blushing and trying not to notice how warm and safe he felt with the weight of the pilot’s arm resting against his skin. “Why did you think I would be disgusted?”

Poe shrugged and his smile was a little sad. “Guy on guy isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.”

“Why not?”

Poe smirked. “Good question, kiddo. I know I definitely enjoy its perks.”

Finn choked on nothing and started coughing and Poe’s laughter was long and loud and sounded beautiful as it echoed in Finn’s ears.

“In all seriousness,” Poe said, pulling Finn closer. “If you ever have any questions about – well, anything, you know you can always talk to me, right?”

Finn nodded.

“Good,” Poe smiled. “Now let’s go grab some food. And I’m not taking no for an answer.”

Finn wished things could go back to normal after that. He hoped that the explanation would make him feel better once he had time to calm down and think it over. But as the days passed and Finn watched Poe flirt and laugh and joke with people who weren’t him, he couldn’t help but wonder – how many of them had got to kiss Poe? How many had spent the night wrapped in his arms? How many of them had known Poe in a way that Finn never would?

Finn had heard stories of jealousy. He knew logically what the word meant and he’d seen it briefly when Phasma had skipped over Nines for a promotion in favor of one of the newer, younger, faster recruits. He’d seen the way his fists had clenched and watched while the emotion slowly ate at him until it turned a strong, solid soldier into a whiny, sulking child. Finn had never wanted to experience that. He had vowed that jealousy would never dig its ugly claws into him.

And yet, here he was. Jealous of every man that got to touch Poe in a way he couldn’t. Jealous that there was a part of the pilot that he couldn’t – wouldn’t – share with Finn. But what right did he even have to be jealous? Physical affection still terrified him. In the First Order that kind of stuff got you immediately reconditioned, no warnings or negotiating. And sure, he knew things were different here, he understood that if he wanted to, he _could_ find a pretty girl or handsome boy to kiss. No one would stop him. But logic and reason meant nothing in the face of the fear that paralyzed him every time he even let the thought cross his mind.

Poe didn’t deserve to be with someone who couldn’t kiss him without panicking, couldn’t hold his hand without having a crippling anxiety attack. So Finn spent the next few weeks biting his tongue and forcing himself to leave Poe alone when he was drinking with another attractive pilot or laughing with a beautiful mechanic. He would die before he let himself stand in the way of Poe’s happiness.

Finn never complained when Poe slipped away from their table during late night conversations. He swallowed his feelings and never knocked on Poe’s door if he thought there was any chance he might be in there with somebody. He tried to be a good friend. And it was going well – until the night that everything changed.

Finn hadn’t meant to walk in on them. He’d just come out of the hangar and he had oil under his fingernails and sweat caked in his hair. It was late – later than he’d ever stayed up working before, but the hum of machinery helped to drown out the mournful whir of his own sad thoughts, so lately he’d been staying later and later, missing dinner time almost regularly.

He’d just stepped into the showers when he heard the sound and recognized it almost immediately. Poe’s voice. Poe’s moan. The sound that haunted his dreams.

Finn should have turned around. He should have left the instant he realized what was going on. But some small, masochistic part of him wanted to know what it looked like, wanted to see for himself what he was missing. So he crept through the darkness and peered around the corner until he found the source of the noise.

Poe was pressed against the wall, hot water and steam surrounding him like a cloak. His chest was glistening and his head was thrown back against the tile with his eyes closed. There was a man on his knees in front of him and for a moment Finn wondered what he was doing. Then he realized and the breath froze in his chest. The man’s mouth was stretched wide around Poe in an obscene manner, his hand wrapped tightly around what his mouth couldn’t reach. He was bobbing up and down, up and down, and Poe was moaning in time with every thrust.

Finn’s mouth was dry. His eyes were fixated on Poe’s face, the taunt lines around his mouth, the sheen of sweat on his forehead, the tip of tongue which poked out to wet his lips. This was the face Finn never got to see. This was the expression Poe would never show him. He was lewd and beautiful and erotic and glorious and Finn suddenly wished he was the one making the pilot look like that.

Finn should have left then. He had found what he’d come to find, and he should have turned around, content to keep the memory of Poe’s blissed out face locked in his head for the rest of his lonely life, and left it at that. But he stayed, and so when Poe opened his eyes and caught his gaze reflecting in the mirror hanging against the opposite wall, he had no one to blame but himself. He had just enough time to see Poe’s eyes widen, watch as his hands landed on the shoulders of the man kneeling in front of him, before he turned and ran away. Finn thought he heard Poe call his name, but he didn’t stop until he was back in his room, his heart racing, chest heaving, and breath coming in faster than he thought was particularly safe.

For the first time since he’d left the medbay, Finn locked his door.

The following week was a nightmare. Finn wasn’t sure if it was Poe who was avoiding him, or if he was the one avoiding Poe. They danced around each other awkwardly and never let themselves be alone together. It was absolutely killing Finn but he had no idea how to even begin to apologize for invading Poe’s privacy like that. Like he’d promised himself he wouldn’t do.

It was Poe, of course, who finally broke the ice. He followed Finn back to his room one day after dinner and asked if he could come in. Finn almost said no but then he looked at Poe’s sad, pleading eyes and he couldn’t turn him away. They stood in silence for a long time before Poe finally cleared his throat.

“You mind if I sit?” He gestured towards the bed.

“No, uh, not at all. Go ahead.”

Poe sat down and folded his hands in his lap. “You gonna keep standing there, or…?”

“Uh – right,” Finn sat as far away from Poe as he possibly could. The pilot sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“Are we really doing this again, buddy?”

Finn shrugged and studied the tips of his boots.

“Alright, that’s enough of that,” Poe shifted and grabbed Finn’s arm, pulling firmly until he slid closer. “Look, this is awkward as hell, but it happened, and I’m not willing to let our friendship crumble over it. I’m sorry. I should have insisted we wait until we got to my room – but, hell, I was all worked up and I let my libido call the shots. I shouldn’t have done that, and I’m sorry. Okay?”

Finn blinked. He tilted his head and watched Poe’s expression shift from beseeching to worried.

“Pal?”

“I don’t understand why you’re apologizing,” Finn said at last. “I’m the one who – I shouldn’t have just stood there and _watched_. I – that was wrong, that was _rude_. I’m sorry, Poe.”

The pilot let his hand drop to Finn’s thigh and he squeezed gently. “No, Finn, this is on me. There’s kind of this unwritten rule on the base that you don’t do – _that_ – in public spaces. I thought because it was so late it would be okay, but clearly it wasn’t. That’s exactly why we have that rule in the first place. I made things weird between us, and I’m sorry.”

Finn shook his head and placed his hand on top on Poe’s. “It’s okay, really. I – I hope you don’t feel differently about me.”

“Not at all, kiddo. You don’t feel differently about me, do you?”

“No!”

“See?” Poe laughed. “This friendship is indestructible.”

Finn grinned and his heart felt lighter than it had all week. He let out a sigh and slumped sideways until he was leaning heavily against Poe’s side. The older man hummed softly and nudged Finn with his shoulder.

“You have anything else to share with the class, buddy?”

Finn swallowed and felt his smile fade. “Um – no. why?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Poe shrugged and kept his gaze carefully neutral. “Just wondering why you didn’t leave. I’m cool with it. Not mad or anything. Just curious.”

Finn couldn’t tell him how badly he’d wanted to see Poe’s face. He couldn’t tell him about his burning jealousy or the way he desperately wished he could be the reason Poe was moaning like that.

“I – it’s complicated.”

“I’m a pretty smart guy,” Poe said, eyebrows raised.

Finn laughed. “Yeah, you are.” He paused. “It’s hard to explain. I just. I’ve never seen anything like that before. You know, back in the First Order, when people got caught like that you usually never saw them again. It’s – still new and scary for me. So I – I don’t know, I guess since it was _you_, I felt like it might be safe to just kind of watch and try to understand. Does that make any sense?”

Poe nodded slowly. “Yeah, okay. I get that. But – uh, do you think you might be interested in doing something like that some day?”

Finn’s head shot up.

“Not with me!” Poe added quickly. “I meant, you know, in general. Could you see yourself doing that with _someone_ someday?”

The younger man blushed and ducked his head. “I don’t know, Poe. I – it wasn’t bad. I mean, it didn’t look bad. But it still seems strange to me.”

Poe took a minute to think over Finn’s words. “Well, like I said, if you ever have any questions, I’m always here. And if you ever feel like you might be interested in someone – _like that_ – then just let me know, and I’ll do whatever I can to help, okay?”

Finn bit his lip. “What if it’s a girl? What if it’s – an alien?”

“Whatever floats your boat, buddy, I’ll be here to help.”

Finn didn’t say _what if it’s you_.

Finn isn’t sure if things get better or worse after that. On the one hand, Poe is around a lot more. Even if he’s flirting with someone, he’s got one hand on Finn’s shoulder at all times. It’s like he’s – showing off. Or trying to show Finn how it’s done. Either way, Finn thinks he should feel flattered, or grateful, or – something other than absolutely miserable. Knowing Poe is kissing and touching and being intimate with other men is bad enough. But watching up close and personal while he seduces them? A living nightmare.

Finn knows it’s his fault. He had practically told Poe he wanted to watch – that he _enjoyed _watching. What he’d conveniently left out was that he only liked watching _Poe_. Seeing his face split open with animalistic pleasure, hearing his voice, low and deep and primal, watching him lose control. _That_ Finn could watch that all day long. This? This was tantamount to torture.

So Finn breaks away when he can. He gets a drink with Pava. Spars with Snap. Watches holovids by himself. Gorges himself on snacks and drinks he can’t pronounce and wakes up with a splitting headache. He does his best to be with Poe when he can, and escape quickly and quietly when he can’t.

It’s going about as well as can be expected. Poe knows something is up, but he doesn’t push, and Finn tries not to let it bother him as much as it does. To his knowledge, Poe hasn’t actually hooked up with anyone again since the shower debacle, but that’s been over a month now so Finn knows it’s coming soon.

It’s another late night when things finally come to a head. He and Poe are swapping stories over drinks in the cantina when a group of young and rowdy pilots flock to the table beside them. Finn catches Poe’s eyes and his heart sinks to his toes at the look on his face. He is going to excuse himself – offer Poe to continue their conversation later – when Poe throws an arm around his shoulders and drags him close.

“What do you think of that one, buddy?” He whispers, gesturing subtly with his eyes towards one of the pilots. Finn glances over. The pilot is young, about Finn’s age, maybe a little younger, with brown eyes and tan skin and dark hair, and if Finn squints a little he could almost convince himself he’s looking at a younger version of Poe.

“I don’t know. I mean he’s – he looks nice.”

The older man smirks. “His name is Cal. He’s a rookie pilot, never even let the base. But he’s a sweet kid. You want me to introduce you?”

Finn does not want that. Not even a little bit. But somehow he feels like this is a test, and if says no, he’s going to prove something to Poe that he’s not ready to admit even to himself. So he shrugs and nods, not trusting his voice.

There’s a brief moment where Finn swears Poe looks almost disappointed, but the expression is gone as fast as it came and Poe grins and pats him – a little too hard – on the back and leans across the table.

“Hey Cal!” He waves the younger pilot over. “Come here a second.”

Cal looks surprised Poe is even talking to him, but he settles into the seat across from them and takes a long swig of whatever is in his cup.

“What’s up, Dameron? Crash anymore X-Wings lately?”

Finn’s back stiffens but Poe just laughs. “Tough words from someone who’s never even been off the tarmac.”

Cal flushes but grins. Then his eyes fall to Finn and his smile softens. “Who’s your friend?”

Finn forces himself not to roll his eyes – like there’s a single soul on this base who hasn’t heard the story of Poe Dameron’s pet stormtrooper. Still, he forces a smile and shakes the young pilot’s hand.

“Finn,” he says.

“Nice to meet you, Finn,” Cal leans forward. “I saw some of the work you did on this asshole’s X-Wing a while back. You’re pretty good with your hands, aren’t you?”

It’s Poe’s turn to choke. Finn glances at him, but Poe’s eyes are fixed steadily at the tabletop. His hands are clenched in his lap.

Finn thinks he might have missed something, but since no one is explaining, he shrugs and nods. “I’ve been told so, yeah.”

Poe makes a low sound in the back of his throat and Cal laughs. He reaches across the table and grabs Finn’s empty glass. “I’ll get you a refill. Be right back.”

He winks and strolls off towards the bar. Finn looks at Poe again who has his eyes trained on Cal like he wants to follow him.

“Um,” Finn shifts a little in his seat. “Are you okay?”

“Of course, kiddo,” Poe’s smile is tense. “You wanna be alone with him? Or you want me to stick around?”

Finn bites his lip. “Could you stay? I don’t – I mean, he seems nice, but I’m not ready – ”

“No problem,” Poe says and Finn notices the harsh lines around his mouth ease just a little. “We’ll just talk, okay? If anything makes you uncomfortable, just let me know, and we’ll jet.”

“Okay.”

Cal is very nice. He reminds Finn so much of Poe that it’s eerie. He looks and sounds like him, and when he moves around the table to take the empty seat next to Finn, he claps a hand on his shoulder the same way Poe does. He leans forward when he’s talking so that Finn can feel his breath on the side of his face, and when he laughs, he grabs Finn’s thigh and squeezes.

Poe, to his credit, does everything in his power to make sure Finn isn’t being pressured or coerced. When Cal reaches to take Finn’s hand off the table, Poe makes a show of spilling his drink and sending all three of them lurching for napkins. Finn is grateful – Poe is clearly looking out for him. Cal, on the other hand, looks like he’s had about enough of Poe’s interference. Several times he offers to walk Finn outside to look at the stars, but Poe quickly cuts in that it’s about to rain. Cal purses his lips and gives Poe a look that makes Finn shiver and lean a little away from him.

“Dameron, you mind if I have a word?” Cal forces the words between tightly clenched teeth. He jerks his head to the side, indicating a private alcove off to the side of the cantina.

Poe shrugs lazily and grins. “Sure. Be back in a second, buddy.”

The two of them stalk off into the corner and Finn feels suddenly exposed and embarrassed. A couple of the pilots are giving him knowing looks and Finn feels stupid for having _absolutely no idea_ what’s going on. It only takes a few minutes for Finn to get fed up with the prying gazes and whispers before he gets up and trails after the two pilots.

He hears them before he sees them. Poe is grunting and Cal says something that sounds like _fuck_ and then there’s the sound of someone’s body hitting the wall.

Once again Finn gets the feeling that he should turn around, walk away, pretend he has no idea what’s going on. He thinks, wildly, that if he just goes back to the table and gets himself another drink, he’ll be able to convince himself he’s misunderstood. But his feet carry him forward despite his better judgement. And he sees what he already knows he will. Cal is pressed to the wall. Poe is pressed to Cal. Their mouths are fused and it’s not sweet or sexy but aggressive and violent. Finn feels betrayed – but he’s not sure by who. Maybe both of them. Maybe by himself. He sags against the wall.

“Poe,” he says. Poe wrenches back from Cal and looks at Finn like he’s never seen him before. His face falls and he looks crushed. Cal is panting against the wall. His bottom lip is dripping blood all down the front of his shirt.

“Finn,” Poe says. Not buddy, not pal, not kiddo. He calls him by his name. “I’m so sorry, Finn.”

Finn shakes his head and turns around. Poe reaches for him but Finn jerks away. His heart is swollen and heavy inside his chest.

“Leave me alone,” he says, and then he’s gone.

Finn doesn’t know how he gets back to his room, but somehow, he does. He stumbles into his bed and lays in the darkness replaying the scene over and over again in his head. He doesn’t care about Cal – doesn’t even care that he caught Poe _again_ intertwined with another man. But this time, the pilot had done it on purpose. He had _set Finn up_, set him up to have his heart absolutely destroyed, had actively initiated Finn’s misery. The betrayal is almost too much to bear.

Poe creeps into the room an hour later. Finn hadn’t bothered to lock the door because he honestly thought Poe would have more sense than to come in after him.

“Go away,” he snaps.

Poe drops to his knees by the bed. “Finn. Buddy. God, I am so sorry. I never meant – I never meant for this to happen.”

Finn shoots upright. It’s dark in his room but he can see the slump of Poe’s shoulders, the tilt of his head as he shivers. “You’re the one who wanted me to talk to him. You’re the one who called him over! Why would you – _how could you do that to me_?”

Poe grapples with the blankets until he finds Finn’s hands. He grips him tightly and pulls him forward so he can press open-mouthed kisses against Finn’s fingers.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I can’t – there’s no excuse. But it wasn’t – I didn’t _like him_, Finn. That’s not why.”

Finn is still caught on the word sweetheart, but he forces himself to overlook it.

“Then why?”

Poe sighs and slumps until his forehead is resting against the bed. “I tried to fight it. I swear to God I did. I’ve been _trying_, buddy. Trying to be a good friend. I thought Cal would be okay for you, because he’s young and good-looking, and before tonight I thought he was – I don’t know, a gentleman or something. But – God, Finn, he kept _touching you_, and trying to take you away from me and I just – I lost my mind.”

Finn blinks down at Poe’s bent head. He feels something inside of him break free and then fall into place.

“Poe are you – were you,” he pauses and swallows hard. “Were you jealous?”

“God, yes, so fucking jealous,” Poe looks up at him and the moonlight falls across his face and there are tears in his eyes and on his face. “I’m sorry, Finn. I’m so sorry. I thought I could help you, and I screwed it up. That kiss – if you can even call it that – I just wanted to get him away from you the only way I knew how. It was stupid, and cruel, and I understand if you never want to see me again. But, buddy, you have to believe me. I never meant to hurt you.”

Finn is quiet for a moment before he slides off the bed and sinks to floor next to Poe. He looks into the pilot’s eyes and decides to be brave.

“Poe,” he says. “I’ve been jealous of every man that’s come anywhere near you since we’ve known each other. When I saw you – that night, in the shower – I was only watching because it was you. Because you’re strong and brave and you _gave me my name_ and I owe you everything. And I – I was jealous. I am jealous. All the time.”

Poe stares at him with his mouth hanging open and for a moment Finn thinks he’s misunderstood or made a grave mistake but then Poe has his arms around him in a crushing embrace and his mouth is open and wet and sobbing against his shoulder.

“God, Finn,” he breathes. “I’ve been fighting these feelings ever since you saved me from the Goddamn First Order. I thought – first I thought you didn’t like men that way. And then, when you said you might, I figured you couldn’t ever look at me like that.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Come on, kiddo,” Poe pulls back to trace Finn’s face with his eyes. “I’m like twelve years older than you. I – I sleep around more than is probably necessary. I’m a pilot – I could die at any given moment. Take your pick.”

“Poe Dameron,” Finn places both hands on either side of the pilot’s face. “You are a hero. You are _my hero_. You saved me from the First Order. You gave me a name, gave me purpose, a reason to keep on living. You are courageous and loving and – and I’ve never met anyone in this galaxy as passionate as you.”

Poe laughs a little and leans forward until his forehead it touching Finn’s.

“Sweetheart,” he says. “I am so gone on you.”

And then he kisses him.

Finn has never been kissed before, and he knows he probably isn’t very good at it, but Poe’s mouth is warm and sweet and he tastes like chocolate and cherries and Finn can’t get enough. He rests his palms flat against Poe’s chest and lets himself go.

Poe runs his hands down Finn’s back, through his hair, across his shoulders. He bites and teases at the younger man’s mouth, and smiles when he whimpers.

“You’re beautiful,” Poe whispers, swiping his thumb across Finn’s bottom lip.

Finn flushes and closes his eyes. “Poe?”

“Yeah?”

The ex-stormtrooper smirks and presses a finger to the center of Poe’s chest. “If I ever catch you kissing another guy like that again I _will_ castrate you.”

Poe throws his head back and laughs before wrapping his arms around Finn and pulling him into the cradle of his body.

“You got it, buddy.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think. Right now the plan is to make this into a series. The next part will probably be the same story but from Poe's POV. Let me know if you'd be interested in reading more!


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